For international students, the quiet in American classrooms is more than strange: It is a cultural barrier.

Before international students even set foot in the United States, they often have expectations of American friendships, idealized by portrayals in media and on social platforms. But as they face the reality that cultures vary in many aspects beyond food and language, those expectations rarely match reality.

“Here in the U.S., friendships or relationships, especially in college, they’re very kind of shallow,” said Saumi Chatterjee, a graduate student in communication studies. “They are very friendly, but it’s hard to get a friendship to move from the ‘Hi, how are you?’”

These cultural differences also shape how students experience the classroom, as Ana Flávia Freitas Teixeira, a Brazilian junior majoring in business, explained.

“It’s weird, they get to class with their headphones in, sit down, and as soon as they can leave, they walk out,” Freitas said. “You could hear a pen dropping in that class.”

Domestic students often appear more closed off, creating a perception of no interest or effort in deeper connections, Freitas said.

“Obviously, I had that hope of meeting new people and making the most of the experiences,” said Freitas. “But more experienced people told me that Americans would be more reserved, and that I shouldn’t expect very deep connections right away.”

For professor Mei-Chen Lin of the School of Communication Studies, several factors explained those challenges, from culture and personality traits to a fear of making the wrong statement.

“I have domestic students telling me that they don’t want to come across as being ignorant,” Lin said. “There’s so much unfamiliarity, which just creates a lot of anxiety.”

Lin also noted many domestic students appear individualistic, dividing their social life into circles that rarely meet or overlap. For many international students, this was initially seen as rude and disrespectful until they fully understood that cultural differences went far beyond their expectations.

“What friendship means and what it entails, it’s very different from culture to culture, so they come with a different expectation,” Lin said.

The difference is noticeable even in something as simple as grabbing coffee, which often feels like a scheduled appointment in the U.S., according to Chatterjee.

“Here, it’s like to meet, we will have to schedule it. It’s like ‘Okay, let’s look up my calendar when I’m free,’” Chatterjee said. “So it’s like more of a business meeting.”

Although Martha Merril, a retired Kent State higher education professor, said she observed many students facing those difficulties, she added that deep intercultural connections exist, and some even lead to marriage. Individuals and their goals change how people perceive and seek those connections.

“The degree to which people emphasize the long-range projection is whether they need to go home, and also what the opportunities are,” Merril said.

Different cultures have different expectations and communication styles, she added, which become one of the major barriers to forming strong connections.

“Chinese, Japanese and a number of other cultures have high context communication where they expect the listener to do a lot of the work,” Merril said. “Whereas people in the United States, Australians are much more direct and much more low context and think that it is, the burden is on the communicator.”

This difference in cultures and the hardship of making friendships, combined with the need for belonging, encouraged students to prioritize making connections with students from their own country.

While open to the possibility, Freitas does not expect to form a deep, close and lifelong friendship with an American.

“I will stick with my Brazilian friends, because we understand each other,” Freitas said.