Senior visual communication design major Jillian McEvoy lives in Kent, while her boyfriend, Justin Patton, lives in New York. For many young couples, like Jillian and Justin, maintaining a long-distance relationship requires a lot of communication, trust and love.  

Long-distance relationships aren’t always easy, but sending thoughtful messages, connecting through humor and keeping each other on their toes are just some ways that this couple makes sure to keep their relationship alive and well. 

Justin will text Jillian “Hey, I was thinking about you” or “Hey, what about this for our future house?” when he thinks of her.  

“You will have bad days,” McEvoy said. “But have grace and be like, ‘You know what, yeah, this is my person, and I want to keep this going.’” 

Dena DiNardo, an online clinical psychologist and family therapist, said many of the struggles long-distance couples face are the same struggles as those that live near one another.  

“When distance is a real factor, it’s usually less about the miles and more about whether both people want the same thing from the relationship and are on the same page about what comes next when, or if, the distance ends,” DiNardo said. 

DiNardo has been working with couples since 2010 and long-distance couples since 2021. She describes long-distance relationships as a common focus in her work after supporting dozens of such couples.

With Valentine’s Day quickly approaching, many couples are preparing by buying roses, chocolates and booking dinner reservations. However, for some, Valentine’s Day signifies a holiday where a phone screen replaces a table for two.  

When it comes to long-distance relationships, this day reflects more of a quieter affair shared with FaceTime calls, text messages and a countdown waiting until the next encounter. 

One of those people navigating a long-distance relationship during the holiday includes senior digital media production major Stella Naymik. 

Naymik and her boyfriend, Jessie Sines, who lives in Florida, have spent over a year together. They have been long-distance for six months. The couple still plans to celebrate Valentine’s Day, despite the distance between them.  

“We both want to try and make the same meal for dinner on FaceTime,” Naymik said. “And then we want to do some sort of romantic comedy movie together.” 

Keeping the romance alive can be challenging for any relationship, but for Naymik, she navigates this while being in a long-distance relationship.

Naymik found that having honest and open discussions are very helpful in her relationship. 

If Naymik feels like Sines is not giving her enough of his time or attention, she communicates and trusts that he won’t get mad at her for expressing her needs.

According to DiNardo, keeping the spark alive does not require one universal formula. 

“It really depends on the couple,” DiNardo said. “What ‘spark’ means to them, what season of life they’re in and why they’re choosing long-distance in the first place. In general, spark tends to fade when relationships feel purely logistical. So, it helps to keep some connection that’s genuinely playful, curious, flirty or emotionally present – not just ‘How was your day?’” 

DiNardo’s emphasis on an intentional and emotionally-present connection shows up in the experiences of  McEvoy and Patton.  

For over two years, McEvoy and Patton maintained long-distance, which is almost the entirety of their relationship thus far.  

McEvoy said she finds it funny to think about because almost right after the two started talking, Patton joined the military and later shipped to Army basic training. 

“It was on our one month, actually, that he had to leave for basic training,” she said. “So we actually haven’t really celebrated any of our anniversaries, which is kind of rough for me because I like celebrating stuff like that. It was kind of fun though, because right off the bat it was just sending letters for a couple months while he was in basic.” 

Now that Patton completed basic training and has more of a set schedule, McEvoy said they may be FaceTiming this Valentine’s Day, as they have in recent years. In the past, they have also sent care packages to each other to celebrate the holiday. 

McEvoy wants to send another one this year; however, she found out that Patton may be able to be on leave for his job, which means this might be the first year they are spending the holiday together. 

Patton’s advice for military couples is to be mentally prepared ahead of time with the reality that communication will be very little and to keep the distance in the back of one’s mind. 

“Start thinking about it a good few months before it happens, even though it may suck to think about,” Patton said. “It’s something you are much better off prepared for rather than being blindsided by it when it happens and not having the slightest idea with how to cope.” 

This kind of preparation relies heavily on communication and being open with one’s partner. When it comes to communication, DiNardo said that communication should not be assumed for every couple. 

“People communicate differently and want to be communicated with differently, so the goal is to understand what works for this particular couple, rather than overgeneralize,” DiNardo said. 

For sophomore speech language pathology major Autumn Speck and her boyfriend, Daniel Plott, communication plays a vital role in sustaining their relationship over a distance. 

At the end of every day, the two will make sure to call each other to talk about their day. Speck said that these phone calls not only help to hear one another’s voice, but to also have those conversations. 

Speck and Plott have maintained a long-distance relationship since Speck went to college back in August. Speck said at first she was hesitant about the distance, but she has grown to see the benefits of it. 

“It does help because while we are a couple, we are still two different people,” she said. “We’re not attached at the hip, and the distance gives us a chance to be two separate people.” 

For Valentine’s Day, Speck plans to drive home to see her boyfriend and have a romantic dinner. 

For those who are in long-distance relationships, or about to be in long-distance relationships, and struggle with how to celebrate the holiday, DiNardo noted the importance of first being clear on what Valentine’s Day means to each person, as some don’t care about the holiday at all.  

To celebrate this holiday via long-distance, DiNardo suggested doing a shared activity in real time, like ordering the same meal or cooking the same recipe. Some other ideas include watching a movie at the same time, playing an online game or doing a “walk date” where both partners connect outside on the phone.

“Some couples also do something more personal like a letter or voice note that says what you appreciate; a playlist; a small gift that reflects an inside joke or planning the next visit, so you have something concrete to look forward to,” DiNardo said. 

Naymik said navigating distance requires resisting a focus on what one misses and instead emphasizing what one gains. 

“There’s some quote about ‘distance makes the heart grow fonder,’” Naymik said. “It really does make you value your time with that person much more, and so that’s kind of beautiful in itself.” 

Drew Berkshire is a reporter. Contact her at [email protected].