As Alaskan fishermen await the perfect catch at their ice holes, Sarah Palin has awaited her chance at the perfect position. For many women, that position has come in the form of motherhood (with or without a career). For Sarah Palin, the perfect position has become John McCain’s running mate.

The decision to name Palin as the hopeful vice president to McCain came as a shock to much of the nation. In a way, it’s a near-expected move on the Republicans’ part as they hope to lasso in the women still upset over losing Hillary Clinton (a poor assumption — the only thing they have in common is their sex. No one would replace Bob Dylan with one of the Jonas Brothers just because they’re both musicians). Also, as McCain struggles to capture the conservative vote, the Alaskan governor reaches out to those who’ve been finding justification for their votes in the Bible with her Juneau, Alaska, approach to abortion – Don’t do it! They have fingernails!

But McCain’s campaign is officially screaming “hypocrite” as he denounces Obama for having little experience and then choosing a first-term governor and former mayor in a town of 6,715. She’s someone who could very well be forced to pick up where he leaves off when his shaky, old, former-POW body finally realizes it’s just too much.

There’s an even more obvious issue with Palin aside from inexperience, though. And as conservative values would predict, the problem begins at home.

Palin is a mother first, but her priority has become second-in-command. The veep-hopeful has chosen to use her children as mere tools to assist her in her quest for world co-domination rather than to help protect them in her push to make the mommies of the world appear even stronger.

To be clear, I will not hold my applause in her decision to have her most recent child, Trig, born in April with Down syndrome. Most can only imagine the strength of this woman to embrace such an obstacle when she already has four other children (one heading to Iraq on Sept.. 11). But I find it hard to stick up for a mother who believes she can properly care for such a child in need in the midst of this whirlwind election. The Straight Talk Express was not intended to help with the raising and overall development of children and teens.

My choke and gag came with the announcement of her 17-year-old daughter Bristol’s pregnancy. The topic had to be accounted for, as the media can and will find out in the end. The way the family chose to release such information, however, was appalling. The decision to release news of the pregnancy was made in response to liberal bloggers claiming that Sarah Palin’s disabled infant was actually Bristol’s baby.

Trig isn’t our daughter’s son, silly. In fact, Bristol’s got one of her own on the way! No one has ever said teen pregnancy was easy, but to put your terrified young daughter in the limelight at a time when the media will grab any scandal they can get is inexcusably cruel. With the release of the pregnancy news, the Palins were also sure to tack on the small fact that Bristol will be marrying the father of her unborn child – a poor kid (or man, no age was released), known at this point only as “Levi.” Regardless of whether Bristol really loves Levi, she’ll have to marry him, because a baby without a daddy in an uber-Christian’s eyes is like Pat Robertson without a telethon.

What will Sarah’s husband Todd Palin say when his children ask him where mommy is? Sorry, honey, but mommy found 300 million people more important than any of you. Man or woman, and I want to be very clear that I would ask this question even if Sarah was a man, how can any parent ask so much of his or her children? Many, many other presidents and vice presidents have had children of their own, but Sarah’s family is one that begs immediate attention and care. Certain members, namely Bristol and young Trig, do not deserve the type of gawking they’re receiving.

After the announcement of Bristol’s pregnancy, a McCain spokesperson called the Palins an American family. This must be the first time in history that American patriotism has meant abandoning the next generation of voters at home.