We’re all the heroes in our own life story. Many people like to think that they are the most kind, thoughtful and wonderful beings on the planet.

Someone out there is all of those things, but statistically speaking, it is probably not you. I’m not saying you’re a bad person. I’m just saying sometimes we like to make ourselves out to be better people than we actually are to make us feel better.

In males, this can lead to a particular condition called “nice-guy syndrome”.

Urban Dictionary defines “nice-guy syndrome” as an “annoying mental condition in which a heterosexual man concocts over[ly] simplified ideas [to explain] why women aren’t flocking to him in droves.”

Honestly, girls do the same thing — I’ve even done it before. So feel free to switch the genders in this article, but — sorry, guys — “nice guy syndrome” is just better documented than the female variety.

A “nice guy” may say that women dislike him because he is just “too nice.” However, he is probably just disappointed that his imaginary bartering system of affection does not actually exist and he cannot think of any other excuse to why he is rejected. He thinks that if he pours all of his affection and attention towards this person, she must reciprocate.

This is ridiculous. No one is obligated to feel the way another person feels about him or her. The “nice guy” would do better moving on and trying to find someone who reciprocates his feelings instead of stewing and getting bitter.

The rather unfortunate fact about these “nice guys” is that a lot of them really are good at heart. They are just frustrated and misguided. However, many of these guys believe that fact alone is an excuse for all of their behavior. Some “nice guys” believe they can behave in stalker-like or abusive manners and write it off as acceptable due to their niceness. This is never the case.

If anyone calls them out on this sort of behavior, they will often throw a tantrum and say that it is everyone else’s fault but their own. He thinks that, like a Mary Sue in a novel, he is just so awesome that everything people dislike about him can only be the fault of others not “getting” him. This solves nothing. Because a “nice guy” cannot recognize his own flaws, he is bound to repeat them.

In relationships, the “nice guy” has a tendency to be clingy. This is a general no-no. It’s okay to want to see someone, but give them some time to be alone or with their friends. You will both value your time together more.

Lastly, when it’s over, it’s over. If denied or broken up with, let it be. If all parties are comfortable with salvaging a friendship, do, but otherwise, do your best to move on. It’s best for everyone.

If you find any of this hitting home, I’m sorry, but the good news is that humans are capable of change. Behave better and work with feedback, and you will probably find your life improving.